My OCD Confession

I think that everyone has some OCD tendencies.  For me, I must have all the clothes hangers in my closet the same color; white.  Sometimes, there might be a hanger or two that somehow is a different color.  I tell myself its silly, but it bothers me.  But I try not to let it.  Tonight, I had to go through Amanda’s closet and take all the extra white hangers she had and put 8 or 9 hangers of various colors in hers.

What other weird OCD tendencies do people have?

What do they call you?

My 5-year old son Josh recently finished preschool.  He will be starting Kindergarten in August at Discovery Charter School, where 7-year old Mikey recently finished 1st grade.  The school is holding a 3-week summer school session where the kids can go to school for 4-hours a day, 4-days a week.  Returning students were invited to attend.  The school invited Josh to attend also.  Tonight as I was putting him in bed, I said to him:

“I wonder what the school calls you.  You’ve finished Preschool but you haven’t started Kindergarten yet.”

Without missing a beat, he said “I think they call me Josh.”

I sure love this kid. 🙂

Dave Barry’s 2010 Year in Review

by Dave Barry
Published: January 1, 2011 at MiamiHerald.com

Let’s put things into perspective: 2010 was not the worst year ever. There have been MUCH worse years. For example, toward the end of the Cretaceous Period, the Earth was struck by an asteroid that wiped out 75 percent of all the species on the planet. Can we honestly say that we had a worse year than those species did? Yes we can, because they were not exposed to Jersey Shore.

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How to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 12-days

How to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 12-days

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize earlier this week. Over the last decade the only requirement to win the prize was that the nominee had to be critical of George W. Bush (see Al Gore, Mohamed El Baradei and Jimmy Carter).
President Obama has broken new ground here. Nominations for potential winners of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize ended on February 1. The president took office only 12 days earlier on January 20.
Let’s take a look at the president’s first 12 days in the White House according to his public schedule to see what he did to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize:

January 20: Sworn in as president. Went to a parade. Partied.
January 21: Asked bureaucrats to re-write guidelines for information requests. Held an “open house” party at the White House.
January 22: Signed Executive Orders: Executive Branch workers to take ethics pledge; re-affirmed Army Field Manual techniques for interrogations; expressed desire to close Gitmo (how’s that working out?)
January 23: Ordered the release of federal funding to pay for abortions in foreign countries. Lunch with Joe Biden; met with Tim Geithner.
January 24: Budget meeting with economic team.
January 25: Skipped church.
January 26: Gave speech about jobs and energy. Met with Hillary Clinton. Attended Geithner’s swearing in ceremony.
January 27: Met with Republicans. Spoke at a clock tower in Ohio.
January 28: Economic meetings in the morning, met with Defense secretary in the afternoon.
January 29: Signed Ledbetter Bill overturning Supreme Court decision on lawsuits over wages. Party in the State Room. Met with Biden.
January 30: Met economic advisers. Gave speech on Middle Class Working Families Task Force. Met with senior enlisted military officials.
January 31: Took the day off.
February 1: Skipped church. Threw a Super Bowl party.

So there you have it. The short path to the Nobel Peace Prize: Party, go to meetings, skip church, release federal funding to pay for abortions in foreign countries, party some more.

When you become a little kid again…

Mikey and I were talking this morning. He asked me “When you become a little child again, will you” do something or another (I forget now what it was). I asked him if he thought I’d become a little child again. “Yes Daddy, when you get to the end of the numbers.”. I asked him what the end of the numbers are. “When you reach 100, that is the end of the numbers and you become a little child again.”

Lie Clocks

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you tell a lie, the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man, “and whose clock is that?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his life.”

“Where’s President Obama’s clock?” asked the man.

“Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office,” said St. Peter, “he’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

Tax refund

If You Don’t Understand the Democrats’ Version of Tax Refunds, Maybe This Will Explain It

Five thousand people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out, therefore a  refund was then due.
The team was about to mail refunds when a group of congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee’s interpretation of fairness.
Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets.  Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets.
A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner:

  • People in the $10 seats will get back $15.  After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with.  Call it an “Earned Income Ticket Credit.”  Persons “earn” it by having few skills, poor work habits, and low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.
  • People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because it “seems fair.”
  • People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don’t need a refund.  After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes.
  • People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it’s the “right thing to do.”
  • People walking past the stadium that couldn’t afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn’t pay anything for the tickets.  They need the most help.
    Now do you understand?

  • Outsourced…

    Washington, DC — July 9th, 2009

    Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

    The move is being made in order to save the President’s $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.

    It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the President’s term. “We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,” stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). “We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,” Reynolds noted.

    Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

    Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India , will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls , NY . Thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

    It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night. “Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,” stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

    “I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.” A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.

    Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. “We know these scripting tools work,” stated the spokesperson.

    “Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about.”

    Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

    Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime.

    A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama’s extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile